Leah Parsons’ Message To The Man Who Assaulted Her Daughter Rehtaeh

“Rehtaeh’s strength was always that she cared deeply.”

by: Obert Madondo  | Jan 22, 2015

Rehtaeh Parsons. Facebook Photo

Rehtaeh Parsons. Facebook Photo

Leah Parsons’ message to the second man to plead guilty in the fatal gang-rape and online shaming of her late daughter, Rehtaeh, is a message of hope.

Rehtaeh Parsons, 17, attempted suicide in early 2013 after the attack and online shaming that followed. She died after being taken off life-support.

The young man is the second man to plead guilty in the case.  Judge Gregory Lenehan reportedly said the assault “was a vile crime, the consequences were tragic.” The sentence:12 months probation. Plus counselling because the assault “may be weighing on you more than you realize.”

The following is the full text of Leah Parsons’ victim impact statement, delivered in a Nova Scotia court at the sentencing earlier this month:

I struggled and spent time contemplating whether to go ahead and write another victim impact statement. Every time I thought of writing one the thought would follow with “Why bother? What I say will have no impact on him or how he thinks moving forward in life.” Then came the realization that I was looking at this statement all wrong. I don’t have to speak to change your view, values and perspectives at all. That’s where I was stuck.

I was stuck with wanting you to feel pain, remorse, regret. What a huge additional burden to carry because how could I possibly achieve that goal? I cannot. I also cannot feel defeated by succumbing to silence. No, that would be a shame for everyone who has been helped, everyone who found their voice and made changes in their community because Rehtaeh’s voice came forward. Her voice was not heard while she struggled to be heard, but it sure is now.

Every day, I wake to a huge emotional void of love that I once called Rehtaeh. I promised Rehtaeh the first day I met her that I would protect her and nourish her life in every way possible. I did not foresee that I would have to shield her from such cruelty that she endured before she left this world. I was unable to console her as she crumbled emotionally after that photo was taken and circulated. People often say “How can someone’s life come crumbling down due to a photo?” I’m here to say that is exactly what happened. I watched every moment of the tower crumble. Rehtaeh’s tower of strength and the vibrance of a young person on the verge of embarking on her journey into adulthood.

While nothing exists in isolation, the photo set into motion a series of emotional turmoil. She was 15 years old when that photo started circulating; the cruelty she received would have been too much for an adult to endure, let alone a child. Her words continue to haunt me: “Mom, I’m too young to have all these emotions, I just want my friends and my life back.” “Mom, I feel like I am waking each day into a nightmare.” While trying to get her the help she required, I lost my daughter. She was never the same person again but she kept trying. She tried to defend herself constantly.

In all honesty, I was crumbling right alongside of her, seeking some sort of resolve to move forward. She never understood how someone could be so cruel. What could she have possibly done so wrong for someone to share that photo with others? She could not comprehend that and neither could I. What would be the motive other than to harm Rehtaeh on a very deep level by ruining her reputation? A community she once bragged about became one that she feared. Fear of being ridiculed. You may say she was too sensitive, but, you see, that was always her strength. Rehtaeh’s strength was always that she CARED deeply and in the end her loving nature became engulfed in a tunnel of self-doubt and lack of worth.

I know that Rehtaeh did nothing to deserve that type of treatment. I know she was not cruel or mean to you [name removed]. You probably knew nothing about her whatsoever. Did you know she loved to read, would drop everything to help an animal or friend in need? That she was bright and funny? Did you know she had two little sisters that she adored? Did you know that the day she was born she changed my life for the better? After she was born I spent the next seven years in university and she was my driving force. No, you would not know these things because you never took the time to view her as a person.

That night Rehtaeh was viewed as an object, and instead of helping her you posed for a photo and shared it with others.

I want to read an excerpt that Rehtaeh wrote in her high school journal just two months before the night in November 2011.

Sept 26

Journal Entry #4

My favorite part of the year is learning new things. I really enjoy my visual arts class and English. I love making new friends and meeting new people. High school, for me, means learning to drive, making money, turning sixteen, and planning for the rest of my life. I am very much looking forward to the rest of high school.”

She didn’t get to see any of those goals listed and she never will.

I’m not going to go on about all the struggles I now have to endure just to make it through the day. I will say that I always believed Rehtaeh would make an imprint on this world. I just never imagined it would be at such a young age and it would cost her her life. Our family lost a huge part of us but so did society in general, and in our loss we gained insight, wisdom and direction. A spotlight has been cast on the distribution of photos without consent and my only hope is that others will continue to learn from our tragedy.

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Obert Madondo is an Ottawa-based progressive blogger, and the founder and editor of The Canadian Progressive. Follow me on Twitter: @Obiemad

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Obert Madondo

Publisher and editor
Obert Madondo is an Ottawa-based independent journalist and progressive political blogger. He's the publisher and editor of The Canadian Progressive.